Petty Peeves

Yesterday, my friend Jordan and I became passionately engaged in a conversation about our pet peeves. All this came about when I was telling him about a gentleman at my work who, while extremely attractive, wears shoes with paper thin soles. Paper thin soles on a man equate to men who wear clip on earrings and guyliner - it's simply one of the most un-manly things you can do (apart from performing fellatio on your buddy).

Perhaps this is more of a "petty peeve" than a pet peeve ...

This drove the conversation into the always amusing direction "What really grates my nerves? ..."
I thought it wise to compile a short summary of my top three peeves - Petty or Pet.

CHILDREN AT SALAD BARS

I never actually realized how much this chapped my ass until I was trying to enjoy a hearty meal at Soup Plantation. I watched in horror as three kids darted back and forth to the salad bar, acting like the little hethens they were - completely destroying my personalized soup/salad experience. Now, don't get me wrong - kids are great (sometimes, not really), but why any responsible adult would allow their bratty, snotty, bacteria laden children anywhere near an open food area is beyond me.

Salad, veggies and all the toppin's scattered a pathway from the salad bar to their table of hell. I watched fingers go into the dressing, baby carrots shoved up noses, ice cream from the soft serve machine ingested directly from the spout into one of their crusty little mouths.

I was silently praying one of them would drown in the Fat Free Ranch dressing ( I hate Ranch). They survived - which is more than I can say for my appetite. I did however, trip one of the little beasts accidentally on purpose as he was tearing back to his table after grabbing a handful of croutons. He skidded beautifully across the abrasive industrial carpeting and ended up smashing his dome on the leg of an unsuspecting chair.

That kinda made me feel better....


PEOPLE WHO RE-USE THEIR WATER BOTTLES AT THE GYM

I don't really want to go into detail on this one - but why spend $600 or more on a gym member ship and insist on reusing the same Evian water bottle for months? Why don't you just lick a Petri dish and call it a day?

DAIRY PRODUCTS ON SKIN

This is the worse thing ever!!! Nothing is more revolting that the thought, sight or smell of milk (or any dairy for that matter) which has had an opportunity to dry on the skin. It kicks my gag reflexes into gear just thinking about it. When would this ever happen, you ask? Ever pick up a baby? This probably explains my aversion to babies and most infants. The dried up milk in the creases of their multi-layered necks ... all crusty and scaley and putrid smelling? Or have you had the pleasure of witnessing someone devour an ice-cream cone - (individuals usually on the upward side of 300lbs) - the ones who were never taught to lick around the edges. Instead, they allow the melting ice cream to drip down their hands and arms - perhaps a tactical method amongst the obese: "simply lick the unused particles off your hands to cleanse your pallet, and you're ready for round two!"

I just thew up a little in my mouth.