I think I have big butts on the brain. Yes, I've been consumed with thoughts of supersized asses. And when I haven't been thinking about supersize asses I've been thinking about the subway. (This preoccupation actually makes a bit of sense, as I've decided to economize my morning commute by making it as painful and inefficient as possible.) Here's how I do it: I make a few subway trips a day - zipping between my place and work with a huge case which holds my laptop and my oversize luggage-of-a-purse.
Given the amount of time I spend enduring filthy looks from people who are annoyed by my oversize accessories, it's no surprise that I would try to shift blame away from my cheap self and persecute other people who take up too much space. So, here's what I'm thinking: TTC subway seats have grooves. I can only imagine that, after extensive research, the grooves were designed and are based on the dimensions of regulation-sized asses. The average Toronto ass fits the groove, and the honor of placing your ass in the groove (or at least the opportunity to try) costs you $2.75. But some people take up more than one seat! Their butts spill over the allotted width, throwing off the whole system. Now the person next to them has to scoot over and straddle the peak between grooves, and so on and so forth.
The result: an unfair seating distribution, wasted space at the end of each row, and a loss of dignity and comfort for everyone involved. (Not to mention a loss of revenue for the city, and indirectly, our nation's public schools.) I'm no policy-maker, but shouldn't subway riders, like obese airline patrons, have to plunk down another $2.75 if their butts exceed the groove? Or maybe just another $1.00, if their butt is merely peeking over the lip of the next seat? I mean, it's not like the groove isn't plenty generous. I sit my booty in the groove and still have plenty of wiggle-room.
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?
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