Mullet Madness

Anyone who knows me, knows of my mild obsession with all that is "White Trash". While some think this is strange and random, I truly believe this obsession stems from one of my previous lives living in the deep South. While I'm not certain as to who I actually was (I would like to have been a Southern Belle, although I was probably some toothless skid named Dwayne Lee who had an Uncle Dad). At any rate, I would like to channel my blogging efforts into something I'm passionate about. The Mullet. We all know 'em and deep down, we all love 'em. So please take a few moments and enjoy my research.

(Susan, I would like take this opportunity and post a public "thank you" for attending the Lynyrd Skynyd concert at Viejas with me. It was truly one of the most momentous nights of my life ... and again, I'm deeply sorry about the Confederate Flag incident. I was caught up in the moment.)


What is a Mullet?

Often referred to as "Business in the front, Party in the back", however may also be called a "Tennessee Waterfall". The Mullet is rarely spotted in the wild, however, there are several specimens to be found in trailer parks across America. Most people wearing this hairstyle still think that Quiet Riot, Whitesnake, Cinderella, and all the other myriad of metal bands kick major ass.

Here are some different Mullet species:

MULLATINO

The Latin DNA make-up naturally gives the Mullatino thick, course hair. This trait is deemed invaluable by many. The sheer volume of hair gives them unlimited options for the styling of the mullet. The tight, aerodynamic shape of this particular mullet is truly incredible. As if it was not good enough to have the perfect mullet, he went ahead and sculpted a perfect mullestache which compliments his mullet in shape, design and color. Very Impressive.

Sidenote: Deep in the heart of barrios across America, a thriving Mullatino population exists and they are addicted to food produced in a vehicle widely known as a roach coach. I recommend this scene as a potential hunting ground. Mullatino's are far less violent then the typical American Mullet. Not to mention you can pick up a few taco's while yer huntin'. (Sorry Shanda)

TRAILERMULLET

In its larval stage, the Trailermullet spends much of their time observing the behavior of those in its own trailer park community. This is done in order to properly develop the many survival skills associated with its breed. After this delicate species is properly schooled in all the basic skills mullets should know; (subtle emotional abuse techniques, advanced methamphetamine production, distribution, and ingestion, post date-rape etiquette, and all aspects of government assistance programs) this species will graduate to the next level of mulletness and is ready for a trailer of their own to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

PERMULLET

Here we have a mullet that has been specifically treated with a permanent. This primping of the mullethead's plumage can only mean that the subject takes great pride in his lifestyle.

The permullet tends to be a little less aggressive than his mullet counterparts, most likely because he does not wish to taint his beautiful quoiffe with the sweat that would result from the process of opening "a can of whoop-ass" on ya.

KLUXERMULLET

All White = All Night!!!

Fuck Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, son!

I score the aggressiveness of this mullet a 10/10! This particular breed of mullets like to spend their time boozin', whorin', swearin', spittin', kickin' ass, and shit talkin'.

The Kluxermullet, previously believed to be extinct since 1986, has now been upgraded to endangered after a recent sighting in Clanton, Alabama. Praise the Lord!