"We can't even be friends."
which is a close second to my favorite:
"I'm gonna to take a shit on your picture."
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
"I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you."
I love Fleetwood Mac.
Thankfully, I was blessed with a father who loved great music and ensured this passion was ingrained in his children from birth (he taught us about Zeppelin, Floyd and CCR before he taught us table manners).
The thing about The Mac that I was always drawn to was the Lindsay /Stevie angst - it's fucking divine. This particular performance is off the chain, because "Silver Springs" is about immortalizing a love affair through art. Stevie has said that she hoped her songs about Lindsay would ensure that she'd be burnt into his psyche forever. The music they made together guarantees they will be dicking each other over in spectacular fashion for all of eternity.
Even if you hate Fleetwood Mac, you have to at least watch the end of this. The way she looks at him when she sings "Never get away..." CHA-HILLS runnin' up my spine, brother!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Confessions
To the girl I pushed out of my way and called an idiot because she stood still on subway escalator and blocked people (me) from passing. I may have overreacted. A bit.
To the guy from Tonic, sorry I didn't come to your place and have sex with you like you suggested. Apart from the fact that I'm not a whore, your place was the opposite direction of my house and I really didn't care for your jacket.
To the other guy who sat at the bar for 3 hours and ogled me. Thanks, but you weren't my cup of tea. Also, I wouldn't be interested in someone who has wiry orange hair billowing out of his argyle twin set.
To the SkaterBoy, sorry I didn't like you as much as your heavyset friend but he had a beautiful smile and refused to laugh at my story the second time he heard it. Additionally, you were too forthcoming with your "grooming rituals" ...if that's your deal, fine - I don't judge, but that's something best kept to yourself methinks.
To Heather Levin, sorry I let your older brother feel me up twice (2x) in the tent in your backyard after your birthday party.
To Crash, yes I did and it was awesome.
To Michael, I was the one moving the controller on the Ouija board.
To Allison, sorry we threw that going away party for you the day after you moved.
To the lady in the automotive dept., sorry I reared back like someone was trying to force my face into a bear trap when you were talking to me. A little mustache on a girl can be endearing, but that thing looked like one of Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. I swear when you turned to say something to me, your whiskers scratched my eyeball.
To Nicole, no it wasn't my fault, it was yours. You were wearing a maternity shirt.
To Doug Atwell, - D.K never really screwed your girlfriend like I told you. My brother did. Oh, and the part where I said she was a filthy slag? That was true.
To Jen S., sorry I drank half a bottle of your mom's Stoli replacing it with water. I didn't know she'd ground you. You wouldn't have liked the Apple River trip anyway.
One for my friend:
To the girl with the (possibly) lazy eye in the sunglasses from the Laguna art festival, my friend Jeremy would like to thank you for the spirited blow-j - but he couldn't help but wonder why you selected U2 as the soundtrack for your activities. He found it be be very distracting and repetitive.
And he's sorry about your hand towel.
To the guy from Tonic, sorry I didn't come to your place and have sex with you like you suggested. Apart from the fact that I'm not a whore, your place was the opposite direction of my house and I really didn't care for your jacket.
To the other guy who sat at the bar for 3 hours and ogled me. Thanks, but you weren't my cup of tea. Also, I wouldn't be interested in someone who has wiry orange hair billowing out of his argyle twin set.
To the SkaterBoy, sorry I didn't like you as much as your heavyset friend but he had a beautiful smile and refused to laugh at my story the second time he heard it. Additionally, you were too forthcoming with your "grooming rituals" ...if that's your deal, fine - I don't judge, but that's something best kept to yourself methinks.
To Heather Levin, sorry I let your older brother feel me up twice (2x) in the tent in your backyard after your birthday party.
To Crash, yes I did and it was awesome.
To Michael, I was the one moving the controller on the Ouija board.
To Allison, sorry we threw that going away party for you the day after you moved.
To the lady in the automotive dept., sorry I reared back like someone was trying to force my face into a bear trap when you were talking to me. A little mustache on a girl can be endearing, but that thing looked like one of Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. I swear when you turned to say something to me, your whiskers scratched my eyeball.
To Nicole, no it wasn't my fault, it was yours. You were wearing a maternity shirt.
To Doug Atwell, - D.K never really screwed your girlfriend like I told you. My brother did. Oh, and the part where I said she was a filthy slag? That was true.
To Jen S., sorry I drank half a bottle of your mom's Stoli replacing it with water. I didn't know she'd ground you. You wouldn't have liked the Apple River trip anyway.
One for my friend:
To the girl with the (possibly) lazy eye in the sunglasses from the Laguna art festival, my friend Jeremy would like to thank you for the spirited blow-j - but he couldn't help but wonder why you selected U2 as the soundtrack for your activities. He found it be be very distracting and repetitive.
And he's sorry about your hand towel.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Football & Stomach - Two big upsets in one night.
First off, I'd like to say congratulations to the New York Football Giants for an absolutely amazing game. I started out at a bar for the night, but the free Jim Beam and mini soy corn dogs did not sit well in my already temperamental stomach. I was forced to go home during the first quarter to lie on my couch with a bottle of Pepto. Not fun.
Now, this is one of the few, if not only times I will cheer for the Giants. I hate them. I dated a Giants fan during the 2002 NFC Championship debacle, and I never heard the end of it. I took a lot of pleasure watching the Vikings destroy the Giants this year. However, the short-sleeved force of evil known as Bill Belichick needed to be stopped. I swallowed my pride, and attempted to muffle my laughter when Eli got another delay of game penalty. THAT'S how badly I wanted the Pats to lose.I found myself jumping up and down in my apartment alone when Stems Plexiglass caught the game winning touchdown. Then I stood there in awe when something occurred to me. Something I never thought would ever happen in a million years.
I was impressed...by Eli Manning.
I'll just let you guys marinate in that one a little bit.
At that very moment, I was almost proud to be residing on the same coast as this great team. The ultimate underdogs. It was like last year's NCAA Fiesta Bowl and the Giants were Boise State, and the Patriots were Oklahoma U. That's how it felt. Miraculous. Seeing that fucking smug, cheating bastard in his red hoodie (NOT the game to change it up, yo) abandon his entire team on the field with 1 second left made me almost throw my TV out the window.
Anyway, that's my Superbowl night in a nutshell. So0000 not the same as the parties we would throw in the courtyard of the unit - but hey, I'm back in Canada. I'll take what I can.
Now, this is one of the few, if not only times I will cheer for the Giants. I hate them. I dated a Giants fan during the 2002 NFC Championship debacle, and I never heard the end of it. I took a lot of pleasure watching the Vikings destroy the Giants this year. However, the short-sleeved force of evil known as Bill Belichick needed to be stopped. I swallowed my pride, and attempted to muffle my laughter when Eli got another delay of game penalty. THAT'S how badly I wanted the Pats to lose.I found myself jumping up and down in my apartment alone when Stems Plexiglass caught the game winning touchdown. Then I stood there in awe when something occurred to me. Something I never thought would ever happen in a million years.
I was impressed...by Eli Manning.
I'll just let you guys marinate in that one a little bit.
At that very moment, I was almost proud to be residing on the same coast as this great team. The ultimate underdogs. It was like last year's NCAA Fiesta Bowl and the Giants were Boise State, and the Patriots were Oklahoma U. That's how it felt. Miraculous. Seeing that fucking smug, cheating bastard in his red hoodie (NOT the game to change it up, yo) abandon his entire team on the field with 1 second left made me almost throw my TV out the window.
Anyway, that's my Superbowl night in a nutshell. So0000 not the same as the parties we would throw in the courtyard of the unit - but hey, I'm back in Canada. I'll take what I can.
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