.jpg)
Because my ex-boyfriend is feral, he lacks certain manners. Table manners, primarily.
I suppose this is because he had a single Mom who was raising a litter of kids and therefore was extremely busy and worn thin. As a result she never had the time teach him how to use things like forks, knives and napkins. It could also be because he left home at 16, and he was forced off to "boarding" school, where he scraped with the other little wolves, sporting a wild crudeness which evolved into totally disgusting table behavior. Whatever the cause, he eats like a fucking animal.
Even at the finest restaurants, there is no use of a napkin. More often than not, there is no use of table utensils. He eats sushi with his fingers. He eats ribs like a caveman, diving in, wolfing the platter down in a manner which leaves sauce mittens on his hands all the way up to the wrist. I am appalled and say, "Do you want to borrow my napkin?" though I don't want to give it to him for fear of him returning it when finished. And with a barbeque sauce smile smeared across his cheeks and chin like Crusty the Clown, he says, "Nah, I'll clean up when I'm done."
Luckily, like a starving mutt, he finishes his food in under two minutes. He then excuses himself with his sauce mittens and clown face, and heads to the bathroom to clean up while the people sitting around us look in my direction with empathy .... for I am out on a date with a retarded boy.
I suppose this is because he had a single Mom who was raising a litter of kids and therefore was extremely busy and worn thin. As a result she never had the time teach him how to use things like forks, knives and napkins. It could also be because he left home at 16, and he was forced off to "boarding" school, where he scraped with the other little wolves, sporting a wild crudeness which evolved into totally disgusting table behavior. Whatever the cause, he eats like a fucking animal.
Even at the finest restaurants, there is no use of a napkin. More often than not, there is no use of table utensils. He eats sushi with his fingers. He eats ribs like a caveman, diving in, wolfing the platter down in a manner which leaves sauce mittens on his hands all the way up to the wrist. I am appalled and say, "Do you want to borrow my napkin?" though I don't want to give it to him for fear of him returning it when finished. And with a barbeque sauce smile smeared across his cheeks and chin like Crusty the Clown, he says, "Nah, I'll clean up when I'm done."
Luckily, like a starving mutt, he finishes his food in under two minutes. He then excuses himself with his sauce mittens and clown face, and heads to the bathroom to clean up while the people sitting around us look in my direction with empathy .... for I am out on a date with a retarded boy.
No comments:
Post a Comment