My initial reaction, along with every other professional across America, was utter horror and disgust upon reading about Wall Street's record bonus season (Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Bankfien = $53.4 million bonus). This lump sum of money, which is more than 99% of the population will earn in their lifetimes, could never (ever) be rationalized (the highest paid editor at The New York times makes less than the lowest paid analyst at Goldman Sachs). Seriously. Hello.
I thought I'd conduct a little research and try and understand what exactly it is investment bankers do before continuing to express my furry, so I looked it up on Wikipedia and I still have no clue. What the fuck do investment bankers do? What outrageously valuable commodity do they provide that is rewarded with such outlandish bonuses? Every time I ask someone in the financial industry what they do they usually claim their job entails "a lot of Excel." I could easily fuck around with a couple of spreadsheets, make some trades and toss around other peoples' money - how hard could this job be?
It's times like these I wish Doc Brown really existed so I could go back ten years and pummel some sense into my 18-year-old head when it was thinking: "You know what? Ramen noodles truly are an underappreciated delicacy. Writing it is!"
Fuck.
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