Self Therapy

I used to do this all the time and it really made me feel better! Randomly write down twenty-five things you want to say to people without revealing who they are.

1. I’m constantly getting disappointed by you and yet you blame me.
2. I think you're going to break my heart.
3. Stop taking everything so personally. It’s not always about you.
4. I know I am smarter than you. Stop trying to make me look stupid, asshole.
5. I would die if you died.
6. So what if I drink too much? Everyone does.
7. I’m afraid we’ll never be the kind of friends we used to be.
8. Your ass kissing makes me want to break a chair over your head daily.
9. I think your self-confidence is completely contrived.
10. Your casual dismissal of me only makes me want you more.
11. He’s terrible to you and for you and I'm worried about you.
12. You make my skin crawl.
13. Give yourself some credit. Self-doubt is unattractive.
14. Your hesitance is my hesitance. We’ll never move forward this way.
15. I need you to do more drugs.
16. I am the person I want to be when I’m with you.
17. You’re a fake. Don’t think I don’t know it.
18. When I'm with you I'm completely exposed. You make me feel naked.
19. I’m sorry I don’t visit more often, but I think about you all the time.
20. When you cry, it embarrasses me.
21. Your constant negativity seeps under my skin and I'm afraid it's changing me.
22. My biggest fear is losing you to someone else even though I don't want you anymore.
23. Your righteous attitude and subtle piety really annoy me.
24. Your need to subtly turn everything into a competition frustrates me.
25. Your pessimism is self-perpetuating. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better anymore.

Painfully Poetic

I recently saw Glen Hansard of The Frames & Marketa Irglova in concert. You may remember them from a little movie called, Once. If you haven't seen it, I implore you. Go rent it. Watch it. You won't be able to catch your breath, I promise you...and I only saw it in pieces.

Anyways, don't take it from me. As I said before, see it for yourself.

Moving onto the concert...

Here's the deal. Most shows I've gone to follow the same routine. People show up, the band plays, people party, people leave.

This concert was completely different.

The entire venue was silent when they started their first song, "Lies". All you could hear was an errant cough, the shuffle of a sandaled foot. At first I felt like something was wrong. I was almost slightly embarrassed for the band because no one was clapping. But then something happened. The tide turned and all at once I realized it wasn't a silence of distaste or dislike, but one of anticipation and captivation. People were literally holding their breath.

As Glen Hansard launched into the chorus of the first song with a passionate howl, "The little cracks they escalated, before we knew it was too late..." the crowd responded like the buzz of a window with a passing train.

By the time he got to the second verse of the chorus, "Maybe if you slow down for me I can see you're only telling lies lies lies...breaking us down with your lies lies lies" the crowd erupted.

From that point on you could feel the pulse of every person in that audience racing with each octave Hansard's voice climbed. By the time they got to the piano build up alongside the strong guitar in the middle of the song, I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

The energy those two put off is contagious and genuine. Their rapport is loving and witty and authentic. It's beautiful to watch. They pull you in with barely any effort.

Glen Hansard is fucking amazing. The lyrics are fantastic, heartwrenching, poetic. But it's his performance that is so riveting. He plays with such emotion and fury that you can't deny his talent. You know that he's the real deal, not just playing for fame or fortune. It was so refreshing.

Marketa Irglova was the perfect complement to her partner's rugged candor. She's reticent and demure and has a compelling likeable incorruptibility. But when she sings with him she comes alive. Her voice is like breaking glass, beautiful and torrmented. When she sings, "I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning" it makes my heart hurt. It awakens something slow, melancholic and regretful inside of me.

For me the best song of the night was not originally one of my favorites on the soundtrack, but has slowly crept its way to number one. "Leave" really and truly makes you feel like you are running in slow motion, trying to catch up with someone who's already gone. As the song moves toward the end, Glen Hansard's voice grows progressively more out of control, violent, louder. His pleas become more desperate and achingly earnest.

From the buildup to the breakdown, this song was probably one of the hardest songs to listen to. You just know that distinct pain in his voice. Everyone can relate to that deep, deep hurt. I have to listen to this song on full blast on my iPod because otherwise I will ball my eyes out.

It's perfect.

The whole show was perfect, yet I can't accurately describe it ... and I know more words than the average person.

I just thank God for creating artists who share their beautiful gift.

Dear Boyfriends, Potential Dates and Prospects on the Sidelines,

Let's get this out of the way now.

You really shouldn't like me.

First of all, I'm fucking weird. I do weird things that are irrational and inexplicable. I act weird, seemingly senselessly and ambiguously. I'm a cross between an old-school Italian house wife and a shameless dirt-bag.

I don't believe that the glass is half full because I'm the one drinking out of the 12" tall glass cowboy boot.

I am a walking contradiction, a caster of stones and careful architect of my own glass houses. I own several and rent out the ones I don't live in.

I don't sleep. But when I do, you'll never understand how. I've calculated the exact position of my pillows to quantify the perfect amount of sleep. I am addicted to white noise yet I sing in bed. I don't know how anyone puts up with my odd sleep patterns and insane bedtime routine.

You shouldn't like me because I won't keep my opinions to myself. I find it impossible to be fake and am visibly awkward in situations in which I feel are not genuine. Small talk makes me itchy and people usually think I am unapproachable and emotionally unavailable.

You shouldn't like me because I live more on paper than I do in real life. Because I'll keep my most intimate moments for myself on my hard drive and in softcover journals. This will drive you crazy. It will make you jealous in a way you can't describe.

I'll know you better than you think in a shorter time than you think and this will unsettle you. It would unsettle me.

You shouldn't like me because there will always be that one percent of you that doesn't trust me completely. I thrive in that one percent. It's not intentional, it's just where I feel the most comfortable.

You'll wince when I tell you my guiltiest pleasure is the dirty South. You'll cringe when you hear me humming the chorus from Skynyrd's "Poison Whiskey" while I'm on my blackberry. Oh, and I will force you to listen to classic rock while we drink bourbon at my kitchen table.

It's just who I am.

Here's something else. I spend more money on clothes and shoes than I do on groceries. I don't floss my teeth enough or dust when it's required. I will always take a shortcut if one is made available to me. I'm not as consistently kind and considerate as I appear to be upon first impression.

You won't be able to relate to my priorities. I definitely want to have babies but am indifferent about getting married. But I do believe in the institution of marriage, family and true love.

All of this will puzzle and confuse you and just before you've got me figured out ..... you'll run.

So, basically you're probably better off without the headache.

With all sincerity,
Rebecca

Pure Lust

Here's the newest addition to my footwear collection. I'm so obsessed with them, I practically wore them to bed. Like, I want to f-ck my boots.