Another Open Letter: Dear Asian Guy

Dear Asian Guy Near the Stairs at the Subway This Morning,

First let me please just say that I commend you. This is an exhausting city in every way: financially, emotionally, and physically. I often wonder how it is that people can afford to live here on minimum wage, and anyone who shows the tireless, sweat-stained vigor upon which this country was built gets a huge high five from me. Whether you're simply a high-school educated family man trying to earn his daily bread (spam?), or one of those “I was a surgeon back in Singapore” immigrants, I know little about your life except that it is filled with hard work and (I’m assuming, since you haven’t killed yourself) optimism.

On a more critical note, but one that I think might help you in your business affairs, let me tell you a little bit about me. At 9 o’clock in the morning, I am thinking about a lot of things. I am thinking about the day ahead and what it might contain. I think about whether or not blondes have more fun, and I think they probably do, but that their definition of fun probably isn't my definition of fun. I am thinking about Paul Potts. I am thinking, at 9 am, on my way to work, about the controversial issues such as Global Warming - is it a cause of man or nature? Something to ponder at least. I am thinking about whether anyone in Africa has actually stood in a river and taken a bath in the trunk-spray of an elephant like they always seem to do in the movies. I am thinking if blind people dream - what do they see? - are their dreams in audio as they have to reference to what things actually look like?. I am thinking about how when I was in elementary school I had was allowed to have blue high-lites in my hair for a few months, and how that blue hair was a pivotal moment in my life upon which everything could have turned out very differently (hooker) had I not realized my error the summer before fifth grade. At 9 am on my way to work I think about all kinds of things.

Here’s one thing that I don’t think about at 9 am on my way to work, indeed something I’d rather not think about: Thai food. Don’t get me wrong, Thai food under many, many circumstances is delicious. But there is a reason why there is no lemongrass and red curry pork on the Tim Horton's breakfast menu.

And speaking of menus, 9 am is not a time to be handing out yours.

Sincerely,
Me

P.S. Your restaurant-issued vest had so much flair (flair = magic).