My Dysfunctional /Functional Relationships

I think of myself as a dropped pot, crazy-glued back together. It's sometimes hard to feel so obviously broken, and then so obviously glued together, so I surround myself with people who are going through the same thing. I don't like my little crew to be infiltrated by an unblemished surface. Why do they go home early? Why are they so optimistic? Why are they so organized?

I'm a collector of broken people, almost everyone I have chosen to have around me is messed up in some way or another. I don't intentionally do this - its more about attraction than anything else ... If there is a bruised soul in the room, I'm drawn to it instantly. We meet, and then we talk and discover a little about each other ...because we really already know each other way too well, we pick at our scabs, make unrealistic criticisms about the majority and then drink till 6am.

I am aware I can be the "fuck everyone" free spirit, but I'm really more chained than most anyone realizes- which is a retarded irony. (Or at least I think that's ironic, but when I declare something ironic someone smarter tells me that I'm wrong .... and then I have to punch them in the face. )

However, sometimes I get too attached. I get twisted around and love triangled, and it sucks, but for some reason I like it this way. It redirects my attention. I can't feel anything else. It's like trying to hear a pin drop at a rock concert. No one is anchored to anything ... so, the organized chaos just keeps on going.

What I am trying to say is, I don't know if this is love because (from what I'm told) love isn't supposed to make you feel half dead. But it's truly a miracle to move away from it and be closer to it than ever ... and there is something to that which cannot be dismissed.

So leave me alone about him.