What time is it?

Things I learned last night:

1. Yorkville is overrun with girls who are just a little bit overweight.

2. 2:00am is the new 4:00am.

3. Wine is good, but cheap whiskey is better.

4. Literally anything deep fried tastes good when drunk. Anything. Fry a pencil - I'll eat it and it will be delicious.

5. I love a good cab driver. I mean I downright love them. A cab driver that speeds up for yellow lights, takes all the right streets – I just want to be friends with them. Having a friend who is a good cab driver is like having a friend who is a gourmet chef. No difference.

6. Advertising cereal as solely a breakfast food was a terrible idea. Cereal is one of the greatest meals in the world. Cookie Crisp tried to get that message across, but pussied out. Cereal is going nowhere as a breakfast.

7. Why I’m not in throwing up and crying right now is beyond me.