Just so you know...

Saturday night, I got into a cab with a cab driver who was clearly drunk.

What alarmed me the most, though, was not how he swerved from lane to lane with little regard of the vehicles he was cutting off. Not how he giggled and snorted so loudly on his cell phone headset. Not how he almost ran over a pedestrian .... who then chased us a block. What kinda shocks me is that I was too lazy to get out of the cab and get another one. I didn't even buckle my seatbelt. He may have even fallen asleep at the wheel and I had no idea. I just sipped on my Fanta and yawned like a baby lamb ..... and then gave him a $5 tip on a $12 fare.

I apparently can't even be bothered to save my own life.

What time is it?

Things I learned last night:

1. Yorkville is overrun with girls who are just a little bit overweight.

2. 2:00am is the new 4:00am.

3. Wine is good, but cheap whiskey is better.

4. Literally anything deep fried tastes good when drunk. Anything. Fry a pencil - I'll eat it and it will be delicious.

5. I love a good cab driver. I mean I downright love them. A cab driver that speeds up for yellow lights, takes all the right streets – I just want to be friends with them. Having a friend who is a good cab driver is like having a friend who is a gourmet chef. No difference.

6. Advertising cereal as solely a breakfast food was a terrible idea. Cereal is one of the greatest meals in the world. Cookie Crisp tried to get that message across, but pussied out. Cereal is going nowhere as a breakfast.

7. Why I’m not in throwing up and crying right now is beyond me.

Al Gore can take global warming and shove it up his ass