I need a break.

I have a tendency quit books right before the end. Not quitting for good. I see it more as a break. Like I reached a good stopping point with less than a chapter to go. I had ten pages left in Helter Skelter for a year and a half. And those are a pretty significant ten pages. But I'm like, "damn, I've had enough reading for now" even though a reasonable part of me is like,"seriously? you've got ten pages to go?!" And often times I'll find a new book because, hey, I'm almost done. All the while, I'll have every intention of finishing the old one soon. Sometimes it happens, sometimes not.

In psychology they talk about pregoal and postgoal arousal. Basically, it means people are motivated by the prospect of accomplishing a goal and by reaching it. Some people show a stronger tendency towards one or the other. People who go to med school, for example, are excited enough about reaching a goal that they don't seem to mind that it won't actually be accomplished till they are about hundred years old. Postgoalers, on the other hand, might be so pumped that they graduated from high school that they can sail on that (perhaps in their mother's basement) for a good decade or so before they need something new.

I think the assumption is that it's healthy to have a good mix of the two.I'm pretty sure that I'm a pre/post goal kinda person (even if the actual category doesn't technically exist). I love the endings. That's why I think the greatest thing about a book is you can stay in the ending for as long as you want. How cool would that be if you could stay 23 for a few more years? I would gladly sell (or maybe just rent?) no sell, my first-born to stay 23 for few more years .. hit a few more parties .. hook up with a few more guys (gulit free cuz, duh, I'm only 23).

Forget the honeymoon phase, I'm not that into beginnings. I despise the awkwardness of first dates; the beginning of a semester always made me sick; and no matter how tired I am, the prospect of falling asleep is no where near as enjoyable as those last cherished minutes before you have to get up. And I don't care what the concluding line of Hope Floats says, the middle is NOT the best part. It's the darkest part of the tunnel. Who cares how cool the tunnel is? Fuck the tunnel. I think I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to put a book mark in my life and set it down for a bit.

I'll finish it eventually ... but right now? Yeah, not so much.