I'm going to completely dork out right now and admit that I just told my old boss "FYI...the final Harry Potter book comes out next week and if he dies, I'm going to need to take a leave of absence."
Seriously, I'll be inconsolable.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
My Dysfunctional /Functional Relationships
I think of myself as a dropped pot, crazy-glued back together. It's sometimes hard to feel so obviously broken, and then so obviously glued together, so I surround myself with people who are going through the same thing. I don't like my little crew to be infiltrated by an unblemished surface. Why do they go home early? Why are they so optimistic? Why are they so organized?
I'm a collector of broken people, almost everyone I have chosen to have around me is messed up in some way or another. I don't intentionally do this - its more about attraction than anything else ... If there is a bruised soul in the room, I'm drawn to it instantly. We meet, and then we talk and discover a little about each other ...because we really already know each other way too well, we pick at our scabs, make unrealistic criticisms about the majority and then drink till 6am.
I am aware I can be the "fuck everyone" free spirit, but I'm really more chained than most anyone realizes- which is a retarded irony. (Or at least I think that's ironic, but when I declare something ironic someone smarter tells me that I'm wrong .... and then I have to punch them in the face. )
However, sometimes I get too attached. I get twisted around and love triangled, and it sucks, but for some reason I like it this way. It redirects my attention. I can't feel anything else. It's like trying to hear a pin drop at a rock concert. No one is anchored to anything ... so, the organized chaos just keeps on going.
What I am trying to say is, I don't know if this is love because (from what I'm told) love isn't supposed to make you feel half dead. But it's truly a miracle to move away from it and be closer to it than ever ... and there is something to that which cannot be dismissed.
So leave me alone about him.
I'm a collector of broken people, almost everyone I have chosen to have around me is messed up in some way or another. I don't intentionally do this - its more about attraction than anything else ... If there is a bruised soul in the room, I'm drawn to it instantly. We meet, and then we talk and discover a little about each other ...because we really already know each other way too well, we pick at our scabs, make unrealistic criticisms about the majority and then drink till 6am.
I am aware I can be the "fuck everyone" free spirit, but I'm really more chained than most anyone realizes- which is a retarded irony. (Or at least I think that's ironic, but when I declare something ironic someone smarter tells me that I'm wrong .... and then I have to punch them in the face. )
However, sometimes I get too attached. I get twisted around and love triangled, and it sucks, but for some reason I like it this way. It redirects my attention. I can't feel anything else. It's like trying to hear a pin drop at a rock concert. No one is anchored to anything ... so, the organized chaos just keeps on going.
What I am trying to say is, I don't know if this is love because (from what I'm told) love isn't supposed to make you feel half dead. But it's truly a miracle to move away from it and be closer to it than ever ... and there is something to that which cannot be dismissed.
So leave me alone about him.
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