Don't you hate when your pets are cheap?

Actual IM conversation yesterday about my friend Kenny's new pitbull Franklin.


Reb: What’s franklin like?

Kenny: Well, he’s actually pretty frugal.

Reb: Your dog is frugal?

Kenny: Yes

Reb: Because he doesn’t spend much money?

Kenny: That’s right - he doesn’t spend much. Hardly any at all really.

Reb: Don’t you think he doesn’t spend money because he is a dog, and not because he is frugal?

Kenny: I don’t see what you mean.

Reb: He is a dog.

Kenny: Right.

Reb: Dogs don't spend money.

Kenny: No, he doesn’t spend MUCH money. Hardly any in fact. I can’t remember the last time
he even got out his wallet.

Reb: He has a wallet?

Kenny: Of course he has a wallet! Where would he keep his money?

Reb: Where does he keep his wallet?

Kenny: I’m not sure, I haven’t seen him take it out in a while. It isn’t polite to talk about money
with friends.

Reb: But it’s your dog.

Kenny: I know. He’s sensitive.

Reb: I thought you said he is frugal?

Kenny: He’s many things to many different people.

Reb: What does that even mean?

Kenny: So frugal people can’t be sensitive? Fuck, you’re an asshole. Now, if you’ll excuse me,
Franklin and I are off to by a race car.

Reb: I thought you said he is frugal!

Kenny: Oh he is. I am the Spendy Spenderson. Franklin will be bitching the whole time about how we should get the least expensive race car possible.



Seriously.

The Infernal Black Screen of Existential Nothingness

Most of us registered our feelings about Sunday night’s big Sopranos finale on the disappointment scale somewhere between “total apathy” and “blind furry”, then went ahead and moved on with our lives. Inside Edition on the other hand, is clearly locked in a self-propagating state of disbelief. They have been dedicating a portion of every show so far this week to making sense of the confounding "Journey Scene", today delving into JFK-conspiracy levels of insanity by actually WALKING THROUGH the diner where the scene was shot, trying to re-create the moment before the the screen went black. They even went so far as to tracking down and trying to interview the background extra dude (who’s a pizza guy in real life) that may or may not have killed Tony.

For these people, ambiguity literally does not exist.

6/08/07 - We Shall Never Forget

Judge Michael Sauer is THE SHIT!! I never thought I would say it, but I have finally fallen madly in love and it feels fantastic. Can you blame me?

SHE WAS TAKEN BACK TO PRISON SCREAMING!!! SHE WILL NOW SERVE HER ENTIRE 45 DAY SENTENCE. IT WILL NOT BE REDUCED TO 23. SHE SCREAMED “ITS NOT RIGHT!” THEN SCREAMED “MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY!!!”

Excuse me for a minute.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, if life were a movie, this would be the point when you turn to your friend and say “This is the best movie in the history of the world!”

A Solid Candidate For Photo of the Year

I serioulsy laughed for 10 minutes when I saw this picture. Judge Michael T. Sauer, henceforth known to all as the Patron Saint of Awesome.

God bless America!